We were going for a stroll with Wilbur the dog to the shopping strip for a smoothie. HB says “I’m ready”. I look at him. My Lord he isn’t? He’s not? Not the crappy old IBM T shirt that he got for free at some IT geek fest? Oh yes, it is. And it’s grubby.

I give him "The Look". He loves this look. It’s a kind of “I love you but you’re exasperating and you’re not going anywhere in that T shirt” look.

I kid you not it takes a surgical knife and an anaesthetic to get this T-shirt off him. Even when he accidentally got bleach on it he wouldn’t throw it out. I swear he wears this thing every day of the week he isn’t wearing a suit.

I’m not even going to go into the crappy old cargo pants; it’s another war for another day. 

He looks at me back, grins and says, “Is it the T-shirt?” My eyes roll back in my head. “Should I change it?” Should he change it? Don’t we have this every time we’re going out walking around the neighbourhood? “Yes” I say, redundantly.

He bumbles out to the laundry and holds up one that’s reasonably recent. “Will this one do?” he says, good naturedly, as if he’s humouring me.

What is it with men and old clothes? Why is it that we women have turn into rabid harpies every time we go anywhere we’re going to be seen by anyone other than the dog? They want to wear the same old T-shirt, shirt, baggy cargo pants, ripped jeans (not the trendy kind), and so on and so forth.

If we want them to look reasonably passable we either have to buy the clothes for them or supervise their shopping, then when the clothes are hanging up in the closet they still want to wear the same old, same old.

Do they deliberately want to embarrass us? Are they doing it for spite? Is it a post-individuation statement of rebellion? Or do they think being comfortable and a bit scruffy is something we all need to be able to deal with. Or is it that they need to sharpen their warrior senses on something and the battle of the T-shirt is a covert attempt at winning a battle of the will.

All I know is that you could (and someone probably has) write a thesis on this subject. If you know of it please tell me. In the meantime, here are HB’s eloquent words of wisdom on the strange ritual nature of changing T-shirts to please your loved-one.

“Us blokes have to keep whatever bargaining chips we have because in the battle of wits we are essentially unarmed”

HB, 2008

 

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