Tis the season to be jolly, but it’s also the time when we might need coping skills more than any other time.

I’m thinking of the family bust-ups when people feel forced to come together to be with people they really don’t get along with “Because it’s Christmas”.  What should be a healing time of peace and goodwill can often be a nightmare, putting strain on relationships and families.

This is the time when attending therapy or counselling could be a constructive, healing process, but ends up in the New Year with having to go over old ground or putting out spot fires started over Christmas Dinner.

Yet, I wonder how many psychologists in Melbourne in private practice are gearing up for their annual loss in revenue due to ‘The Silly Season’?  In my experience, all of December and most of January show a steep decline in attendance at therapy due to shopping, parties, family get togethers, holidays and the hip pocket nerve as people decide therapy can wait while their credit cards recover from the financial burden of the festivities.

The mental health services offered by the health system will be less available too as practitioners take their well earned break.

This is all very well for those who cruise through this time of year that can be so stressful and frustrating for so many.  People look at me with bleak resignation and say, “It’s Christmas again”.  I can count on the fingers of one hand the considerable number of people I’ve seen who say, “I’m so looking forward to Christmas” If it’s so stressful, hurtful and costly – why do we do it?

I’m not being Scrooge, and I’m not saying people shouldn’t have holidays.

Neither am I saying people should have to go to therapy so that our income doesn’t suffer. But if we have to ‘do’ Christmas, then here are some tips on how to get through it all in the best possible shape.

MY TOP TEN TIPS TO GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS

1. Make a budget and stick to it.  You can still have a nice time without cracking the credit card.
2. If there are stressful, ‘prickly’ family occasions you don’t absolutely have to go to, don’t! It might be hard to say no but you can do it (see my new article on How to say no).
3. If you do decide to go to a difficult family get together, be as positive as you can about it.
   Especially – don’t drink too much. You know this can be disastrous  (no matter how stressed or happy you are)
4. Don’t react when someone gets under your skin or things get prickly - respond.  Think before you speak or act.  Know what pushes your buttons and decide not to let your buttons get pushed.
5. Be pro-active - prepare for number four by using good self-talk before the event. For example, “I know Uncle Fred might bring up that old button-pusher but I can cope, I’ll ignore it. The more he pushes it the more I’ll ignore it.   I’ll keep my cool.  It’s only for a few hours anyway”
6. Take deep breaths in stressful times. Taking a couple of deep breaths helps you to respond to situations rather than react.  It gives you time to come up with a strategy – something to say or do that won’t make things worse.
7. If the Holidays are making you feel sad or downhearted, say, because it reminds you of a lost loved one, accept that this kind of grief and loss is normal. Tell yourself “I can cope and this will pass”. Distract yourself as best you can. If the loss is a child, consider buying a gift appropriate for a child of the age your child would have been now and put it under the community tree.
8. Don’t feel guilty because you can’t provide everything for your family that you think will make them happy.  Lots of people feel guilty because they can’t buy expensive toys or presents or have a holiday trip. Guilt is a destructive emotion and just makes you feel bad.
9. Remind yourself (and your family?) about what Christmas is really about – celebrating the life of a person who believed in peace and love. Are these gifts more precious than a computer game?
10. Don’t wear yourself out – don’t beat yourself up.  Be kind to yourself – take it slowly – ease your foot off the gas pedal.
    Especially – don’t drink too much.
    Remind yourself of this “I can only do the best I can, with what I have, in the time available to me”

Finally, if things go wrong and you can’t get to a counsellor – there’s always Lifeline or any one of the wonderful organisations that provide telephone and practical assistance over the Holidays.  You’ll find a list of numbers to call in the front of the telephone book or call your local Lifeline crisis counselling service for a referral.  Phone information will give you the number.

Happy Holidays!