‘Every bad feeling starts with a negative thought’  

Are the essentials of 'The Secret' correct?  Do I believe in them?

The answer is YES.  I believe the basic principles outlined in 'The Secret' will work, but I believe the principles are what are important, not the essentials.

Essentials are reductionist, appealing to that part of us that wants everything – and we want it NOW – preferably brought about by some higher power so that we don’t have to work at it.  It’s not the road less travelled it’s the superficial road and the easy road.  Nice work if you can get it, but even those who believe in the power of prayer realise how important their part is in bringing about miracles.  Do I believe in miracles?  Yes, I believe we can make things happen – it’s just how  that’s the question.

For many of us, we find this excruciatingly painful.  Here are some suggestions.  Sticking up for yourself might feel uncomfortable at first but you’ll get used to it.

• Be sure you really want to say no first. Is the thing you’re saying NO to unfair or unreasonable? Or do you just not want to do it? It makes a difference.
• If you’re not sure, don’t make a rash decision. You can always ask for more time to respond or ask for clarification of the request.
• If you decide to say NO, say it briefly and clearly. Don’t over-explain or go on and on trying to rationalize your decision. This could be used to talk you out of it since you will come across as being indecisive.
Don’t be coy with words; use the word "no". "No" is more powerful and clearer than "Well, I just don't think so..."
Make sure your body language is in line with your words. Often we unconsciously nod and smile when we’re actually saying “No”. It gives mixed messages.

Tis the season to be jolly, but it’s also the time when we might need coping skills more than any other time.

I’m thinking of the family bust-ups when people feel forced to come together to be with people they really don’t get along with “Because it’s Christmas”.  What should be a healing time of peace and goodwill can often be a nightmare, putting strain on relationships and families.

This is the time when attending therapy or counselling could be a constructive, healing process, but ends up in the New Year with having to go over old ground or putting out spot fires started over Christmas Dinner.

Yet, I wonder how many psychologists in Melbourne in private practice are gearing up for their annual loss in revenue due to ‘The Silly Season’?  In my experience, all of December and most of January show a steep decline in attendance at therapy due to shopping, parties, family get togethers, holidays and the hip pocket nerve as people decide therapy can wait while their credit cards recover from the financial burden of the festivities.